Tom had the foresight to bring along a pad of Zany Tales (tm), a take-off of the perennial favorite Mad Libs. In case you don't know how it works, the idea is to fill in the blanks in some simple stories using the correct parts of speech, except that the people supplying the words don't see the story beforehand. Wackiness ensues. Here, for your reading pleasure, is a sampling of the best stories that Tom, Rachel, and I can possibly ever hope to create. I've bolded our words, but I think you'd probably be able to pick them out, anyway.

My Dream Vacation

When I heard that I had won a dream vacation to the destination of my choice, I could hardly wait. All of my life I had wanted to go to Mozambique and leap with the Hokies or climb a Happy Meal with toys. Now I was on my way, aboard an elephant and weeping off to the North.

The trip I won was for two people, so I took my best friend, Ed McMahon. The first thing we did when we landed was head for Lane Stadium to see the billboard. I have always wanted to scuba dive in a real tailfeather!

We stayed for 427 weeks and did many fun activities. We blossomed in the coral reefs and saw monkeys that were fuchsia, beige, and cornflower. At night, we would go to the Gulfport and eat New Orleans Donuts with the locals. We made so many new friends, like Francois, the tightrope walker.

On The Farm

My cousins, Lester and Purvis, invited me to stay at their farm for the weekend. I thought it would be a nice relaxing arboretum, where I could sleep late and lay around in the grass.

When I arrived, my cousins took me to the foyer. Immediately they put me to work. I had to milk Richard from Prichard, the dairy monkey. She was not happy with me and tried to swipe me in the fibia. Then we had to gather eggs from the panda bear. When you stick your earlobe in their nests, they go crazy and wander around the rest stop.

Next, we had to feed hand grenades to the pigs. Pigs are slippery and smell like feathers, but you have to love those tonsils! Finally, we got to do something fun and ride kangaroos! Of course we had to round up the dolphins while we were riding them, but it was still fun.

On the farm you go to bed early, and there is no such thing as sleeping late! You have to get up when the War Damn Eagle crows!